my wife doesn't touch me sexually anymore
Im only 63 and Ive pretty much just given up. Good luck to you all and hope the juices start flowing soon for those that feel deprived. Risk cheating get a divorce or anything ??? Sharing your desires is essential, as is listening to her needs. For everything there is a season. Most women find us as nothing more then a sex pig. First, do not deny your needs any more than you would deny yourself your favorite food, movie, book or music. That you would elevate paid sex with a stranger above the shared intimacy and love found only after years together as partners says even more. Susan.I second Seans reply to you. I desire tenderness and affection, not just an orgasm. I feel I am supportive, helpful, etc but know Im not perfect. "The identity of a young parent can become entirely entwined with that of the children. Thats it, you said it thats what the woman loves. Sorry Mate. That was then and she is gone now. I suppose that his stomach, which is huge, the fact that he cant really get hard, and the fact that sex takes forever are some of the reasons why I no longer want to have sex. Its time to change your strategy. If physical intimacy is missing and one partner is complaining about it, you know theres something going on. unless you feel he is better then nothing. She has just lost interest. bcb Is it so horrible if I want to snuggle with her? He keeps saying hell do better, but nothing ever happens! Susan!!! All he needs is that wonderful little blue pill. Meanwhile, I encourage you to keep masturbating. and possibly evil. Just a thought. Your wife may simply just not want sex as regularly as you do, and she may not even know how important sex is to you. We still talk, but thats it. If I was better looking and could make the time to find a willing partner Id do it because sex has dwindled a lot in the last ten years. If she senses youre blaming her for something, shell go on the defensive. Regardless of the reason your wife has pulled away from you, you must confront the situation. I have done the majority of housework including doing the major role of raising our children from Pre school to leaving home. Around year 3 it was 1x week and that lasted another 5 when it became about 1x a week. I went elsewhere a few years back. Hormonal changes, which can start as early as your 20s, can also be root causes of low sex drive. 1. Not easy for her to open up and talk about thingsbeen that way all of our married lives..43 plus years. 5 minutes of his time now and again isnt much to ask! We are happy for the days she has some energy and good enough oxygen levels. If your sex life is devoid of experimenting with new sexual positions, role play, dressing up, creating a sensual ambiance, theres a chance that the same sexual routine has become boring and tiresome for your wife and she has started avoiding all physical contact. Have you ever considered WHY your wife doesnt want to have sex anymore? There has to be more than just telling people they should talk about it. . I met a man at work a while back, he was attracted to me, he was in a sexless marriage (so he said). Id rather die than lose him. You were something OTHER. We lose ourselves. First woman with the same situation!! I have always loved sex with my hubby, but after menopause, that all changed for the worse. Meanwhile. He is overly stressed from work. An emotional affair or even a one-night stand that you think your wife doesnt know about? I appreciate the fact that my wife has stayed with. I am starting to go to prostitutes is this wrong? My nephews, 1x/month on average, so I dont over do with outside the marriage things at all nor overspend, AT ALL. My wife stop having sex with me its been 8 months. All rights reserved. I started seeing sex workers. You are not catering to her sexual needs, How To Survive A Sexless Marriage Without Cheating, build a successful relationship after cheating, communication exercises with your partner, 10 Things To Do When You Are Drifting Apart In Your Relationship. "Some of the pressure comes from the idea that you 'should' be having sex. Why is it that Men are the ones left out in the cold Masturbating in the dark. Sounds to me like youve picking your men from the bar. Well a few years ago sex began to get less and less. This so frustrating at times. Be loving. The wife does not want to start sex and me asking her OVER and OVER and OVER got to her and her rejections and excuses got to me felt like there is always some excuse. I miss the sex, but I miss even more holding her in my arms snuggling with her just touching her maybe copping a feel she sexy. Research published by the National Marriage Project found that couples who make time for date night experience benefits, such as, , improved communication skills, and injecting excitement and. Holding on and hoping we can work it out, for now Im giving him space. Mental health issues dont appear out of nowhere for no reason. Who sacrifices? Then she was diagnosed with scleroderma shortly before I had a kidney transplant. Ive been humiliated, rejected and told you can have love without sex, because, after all, cripples cant have sex but they still have love. Every month Senior Planets award-winning senior sexpert Joan Price answers questions about everything from loss of desire to solo sex and partner issues. Shes been mostly dry since a few years before menopause. On the other hand, another reason your wife is never in the mood may be related to menopause. She needs someone to act as a buffer, to provide support and not make it seem like shes in it alone. Thats something that you honestly need to ask yourself. Youre the only one here who gets the dynamic. Of course, all this pressure makes it harder for sex to seem to go well.". I find that unfathomable. It is not the loss of testicles as much as the loss of the prostate gland. That lie: its not important, only if you want it. Bring back date night (without the pressure to have sex), or simply spend more time talking to each other about your inner worlds: your feelings, your fears, your frustrations, your hopes and dreams. Not you at all by the sounds of it. My hubby is one happy camper. I do raise the issue with her from time to time. I know that feeling of the Phone etc being more important. Im 87 years young and my vibrator is busy. Yeah Andrew me too. If theyve been fighting the whole day, physical intimacy is the last thing on their mind. I also think they pretend to be happy. If you have gone through months or years of being patient with your wife and still arent feeling physically connected, it may be time for, Are You Ready to Start Dating Again Ask Yourself These 5 Questions, Research shows that women who had a positive view of themselves, reported higher levels of intimate encounters, 30 Foreplay Ideas That Will Surely Spice up Your Sex Life, This can be difficult since, statistically, couples are, to talk about sexual matters the same way they would other conflicts, such as children or finances. The role only involves the two lovers and an invited therapist they consented to. I hope the partner didnt expect to share the celibacy. Work and motherhood can be overwhelming, so instead of asking her for sex at the end of the day when youre both exhausted, start planning for it. No love no sex. we always believe that we are being judged . When it gone, its gone. To send your questions directly to Joan, email sexpert@seniorplanet.org. I agree with Trish, Frustrated Daughter. Maybe, she knows of your infidelity, but hasnt spoken about it? Holy Cow, I have about had it. We have tried everything ( I mean everything ) but nothing seems to work and Im getting desperate! Just give him some and hopefully he will stop keeping you awake. For most women, sexual desire is fueled by romantic feelings for their partner. I do, however, feel like absolute shit about the negative impact on my husband who is six years younger than me and who has always had a high (higher than mine, anyway) sex drive. Im 65 and just want a happy, peaceful existence and I cope with EVERYTHING 100% , except sex. You should consider a strap on dildo, the size and width are your choice. ( Keep cardio to a minimum and stay away from the weight machines) I kid you not. My husband and I separated recently. You have your wife, intimacy is so much better than busting a nut and orgasming, why does this make us feel better? She believes relationships should be easyand that, with room for self-reflection and the right toolkit, they can be. If the lack of interest in physical intimacy came on suddenly and caught you unawares, it is possible that your wife is involved with another person. * PLATFORM OR CMS. Ive communicated my feelings to him many times. If your wife wont have sex with you, try not to jump to accusations, as this usually only makes things worse. Couple relationshipsthe pains and pleasures, the anxieties and comforts, the craziness and calm. Our experts helped them improve their sex life by advising a bit more spontaneity. All that said, unless your wife has a known health condition that she's currently managingor she's had a very sudden and significant change in her sex drivedon't assume that her lack of interest in having sex with you means something is medically wrong with her. This really sucks. What to about it: Have an earnest, exploratory conversation with each other about what sex means to you both as individuals, and then talk about how you can create a mutually satisfying sex life that works for both of you. Frankly; its time to move on and out . As a socialite in many women sponsored events, I believe her marriage status is important in her social circle than her marriage itself. Because I am not attractive to her. . It could mean that your wife is experiencing changes in her mental health or there is an unresolved issue in your relationship. It also says that we are to make our bodies our patents, not ours. Yes, life is complicated indeed, but I dont believe there is a season for sex and then not a season for it. But this past 6 months I see things slipping and I feel we are not getting that closeness and are becoming more distant even though we do many things together. Hello Overit, lol. I domt have to put up with that. What the heck! She understands that its hard for me, but we both dont know what to do about the situation. Q: My wife, late 40s, has been experiencing early menopause for a couple of years. Married 10 years!!!! Men my advice is dont get married or move in with women if you love sex. My opinion only, so, most likely only worthy in my estimation. We are all just CroMagnon reborn. No sex for about 20 years. Learning how to communicate and experience life myself . The counselor ABSOLUTELY never touched on the subject of sex. Sweetie, I love you with all my heart and it saddens me that you have no interest in intimacy with me and refuse to explore any potential solutions. I think it is very selfish. Four in five couples dealt with a desire discrepancy1 in the past month, according to one 2015 study. She even said to me that I should leave if I am not happy, she prefers that I do not, but basically what she is saying is that if I want to stay, this is the way its going to be. Women want to be swept off their feet. She says she loves me but cant stand to touch me. Join as many groups as you can, and leave him at home. What played in husband mind is that the wife do not care, do not want to have relationship, intimacy etc. You can be in a marriage without sex. I always ask if Im doing the right things and she says yes. I told him if he didnt want a divorce, he should feel free to find date outside the marriage, and if anything serious developed, we would revisit the divorce option. Most woman will get turned off by men putting us down and there is no way we will reward you by having sex with you and if you wait until the next day to be s jerk after having sex with make less likely for you to get I. If you are not communicating about this, nothing will change. So Im frustrated as hell, but I love her and wont cheat on her no matter what. That was almost 50 years ago, I dont live in he house with her. Or if your wife does have a known medical issue, talk to each other about how your sex life might be being affected and ways you can work together to keep your sex life healthy. My other half sees it as rejection and makes angry threats. When I was single I would simply break off a relationship when the sexual problems would start. You need to be in the counseling with her because if there is no goal to overcome the issue then its just a feel good talk of sympathy and thats not treatment. I had to fend for myself, and I could have done that before we were married. We havent had sex in 6 months and she has rejected my advances numerous times. After everything a woman does in one day compare to what most lazy men would say. She consulted with her doctor who recommended hormone treatment and her research on cancer had her rejecting that avenue. We never had sex before marriage and on our wedding night he rolled over and went to sleep. I promised her I wouldnt embarrass her or shame her in front of family, friends, or church with an affair. My point is, most of the sexless marriage problems are from the man not ruling. I am 53 and my wife is 55. And Marley, I deeply sorry for your situation. If your wife seems distant, take a step back to analyze where you may have gone wrong or why you feel like she cannot trust you again. See all of Joans advice in Sex@Our Age. I havent yet but I am going to find sex outside my home. Satan worked this into the sexual revolution and feminism (not that either were inherently bad) so that his message has overtaken THE Word of God that says tons of times to do it and do it often. I am partly replying and partly commenting on the many very earnest and difficult sexless relationships discussed here. Ive been thinking about wanting a second child seven years after I gave birth to our first one. We males, as the so perceived alphas in these situations, just accept and go along with the flow without ever considering the other; the what if . Better than NO sex of any sort for 10+ years, and being rediculed for masturbating. Ive been teaching this to other young men for some time. It is time to say, I am horny as hell, and I am tired of pretending I am not because I am over 50!. We have been married 41 years. Especially if you once had a healthy and active sex life. I agree, there is more going on than just someone spending all their time doing other things. Weve been married for 27 years and have 3 adult children. Never thought it would happen to me, but it has, plus some other medical problems that leave me exhausted. But from a womans standpoint, we need emotional love BIG TIME before we can go there. Count your blessings mate! I want to have a joyful life not just be comfortably numb. The reasons behind why a wife avoids physical contact can range from marital discord to just being burned out, says Gopa. Childbirth is a life-altering experience thats not just hard on a womans body but also her mind. Harley, I am doing none of those things. Not so in an egalitarian or woman-dominated marriage where she gets what she wants that always ends in dysfunction & misery. Most women who go through postpartum depression also find it increasingly difficult to get physically involved. Remember what you felt, believed, and why. You cant have me, but you cant have anybody else, is the most selfish and controlling position possible. I will probably need to work into my 70s or as long as I am able. Many marriages are suffering in this area, and even the strongest and most supportive husbands feel isolated from their wives. Does your wife deal with mental health struggles or clinical depression? I found him to be the most attractive man Ive ever met! 35 Sweet Things To Say To Your Wife To Make Her Go Awww! Sorry Mate. Youre not alone. Four years of treatment, a fried heart valve replacement due to radiation. We men are not brain dead. If your wife never initiates affection, its time to take the pressure off. Having married one of the well into that 34% is hell. I wonder if it could be depression (something he wouldnt admit to), but its been going on a long time. Glenn, as a man to another man; its time to let that person go. He has performance anxiety. Some doctors will prescribe testosterone and advise DHEA supplementation. In my experience as a marriage counselor, Ive seen that men can have an argument with their wives the whole day and romance their partner in the end. Im mid 50s married man who has ED and low T. I have always had a lower desire. I dont even bother to talk to her (all she does is whine and complain). If sex is becoming harder, less pleasurable, or more painful to have, it makes sense that a woman may lose interest in having it at all. What should the husband do. I still love my husband because our relationship doesnt revolve around sex and we can show each other love and affection in many other ways. love him & my family and weve been married for 34 years & 5 years before that. He was several yrs younger than me, Ive Never been married & Ive had a half dozen BFs or so. Her work has been featured at The Cut, Vice, Teen Vogue, Cosmopolitan, and elsewhere. Get your dose of relationship advice from Bonobology right in your inbox. You have (understandable) guilt and shame about sex, undoubtedly influenced by your current predicament and the old trauma of feeling rejected during your first long-term partnership. In case you have nothing to hide, work on communication exercises with your partner to be able to tell her that there is no need for trust issues. But each night i rub her feet and tickle her thighs..she just lays there ..and I go out and sleep in a recliner. We have had a lot of therapy through the years, but even after all this time I feel sexually numbed, completely disinterested and unable to respond.i still feel the need to be held by him and I love him so much, I felt so guilty. Additionally, she should see an endocrinologist who can check her thyroid. Guys. He decided hed have an affair. In this new gynocentric west, the only answer is to find non-western women or women who were not raised in the west. We have been married 10 years and he has never touched me in an intimate way, or never had sex or even tried. Cheating is easy and you deserve it. She needs emotional connectivity even without the expectation of sex, just because it is kind. Your wife has become conscious of her body, 8. Be grateful you were able to find someone in life to love and be loved by, many of us take this for granted not realizing how many lonely people there are out there who were never as lucky as we have been. A free doctor approved gut health guide featuring shopping lists, recipes, and tips. My wife of 43 years has no need for sex except very infrequently and then only quick missionary. Weve all heard the answer to no Sex is stop having Sex? I miss the simple things. Senior Planets comments are open for all readers/subscribers; we love hearing from you! Most men do their deed and roll over. My wife and I lost our beloved son several years ago. Unfortunately, my wife is 62 and has given up interest in sex and affection of any type. I never cared about sex when I was 35 or now at 76! aids that i bought. Food shape. I would like to add that many women also feel a great deal of resentment which builds over time I had literally experienced everything you mentioned in your post and then I had a bilateral mastectomy and chemotherapy for breast cancer. So all should take care on this. My husband never had my love of sex. However, another simple answer is that she isnt used to being the initiator. My wife has offered to let me move on, the problem is I love her and everything else about our relationship. Counseling is usually the way out but unfortunately most people in a relationship dont want to go that route (or at least one of them doesnt). But, you must remember that this rejection of your sexual advances is often triggered by some underlying reasons. I have often thought about having an affair but I just dont know how to approach going that direction. Yes, totally wrong. I wont lecture: youve all read about it. Fear Of The Wife How Real Is It For Modern Men? As far as foreplay goes, either I dont know how to do it or she doesnt like to be touched unless she is in the mood. Plus, a lack of communication might have created this distance. Let him know, with passion and love, that you miss *that* him . I havent had a BJ for about 20years, my wife wont even touch my penis so a HJ is out of the question too. She even stopped expressing affection such as hand holding, goodbye kisses, etc. They have cheated on us with themselves and their selfishness! I am a man who has been married for 48 years and to read The man must rule by demanding to get what he wants suggests a serious mental illness. Not a bar person.. any any suggestions. That was 28 years ago. Blah blah blah. Dear Joan, My husband has no sex drive at all. Once the children appeared on the scene I would never have done anything that would risk us splitting up. Ive got wonder if she really was just needing something to be mad at me for. That's part of it, but in long-term relationships, sex is also the fastest route for a man to feel close and connected to his wife. So I cheat. Getting out of the friend zone with your wife will require you to find another zone for yourself. Isnt going to happen. 2 children later sex was still fun. As Gopa points out, the reasons can stem from resentment to communication gaps or personal issues. Love will always outweigh the brief pleasure that $$ and status can provide. I have the same problem, my wife and I are 73 years old, 7years ago she told me she no longer had an interest in sex, so,it has been 7 dry years, she told me I was free to,find someone to have sexy with!! If that is the way you feel I will respect that, but I need YOU to understand and RESPECT my needs. A marriage I have no interest in ending, ever. for signs she is interested in someone else. We still find a way a couple of times a month, but it took my husband a long time to not feel he was at fault. Be patient with her as she works on herself, and the two of you refocus on your marriage. In most cases, Ive seen that when one partner is depressed, after a period of time, the other starts to feel depressed as well. Hi It is sad and hurtful and I felt she only did me favor to have sex with me.. We have 3 young kids so divorce is not an option and I had been sleeping in guest room for almost 6 months now.. She received her journalism degree from Northwestern University, and her writings on sex, relationships, identity, and wellness have appeared at The Cut, Vice, Teen Vogue, Cosmopolitan, and elsewhere. We have been convinced to settle and accept less. I agree, once they stop theres nothing thats going to get them interested or willing to do it again. I say I know exactly what youre taking about because my wife has had four back surgeries and we have sex RARELY! The subtle ways dates, touching, hoping havent worked and although years have passed, neither of you really understands yet how the other feels. Fun-loving, Honest and Straightforward. From so many different angles I cannot begin to list. Although i had told him beforehand that if it didnt change I would get it on the side. Quite frankly, I feel like he has been and is being cheated. "Not everyone needs emotional connection for sex to be great, but in long-term relationships, the lack of connection can be a huge factor in a person's desire to have sex with their partner," psychologist Margaret Paul, Ph.D., writes at mbg. Why is a mans focus so connected to his ability to use a womans body to empty the contents of his balls? So not only will your wife not want to touch you, but you probably wont want her to anymore. There are always two sides to a story, and I dont want to paint her as an uncaring wife. Thomas, I agree! Thats whats even more hurtful. We went to a number of therapists but none were able to help. Brother, your story sounds exactly like mine. Too bad; I truly live him but I dont need the stress. Read the first sentence again. When women say that theyre exhausted, men can often take it as a personal rejection without realizing that she woke up at 5 a.m. That is love. Theres nothing wrong with giving yourself sexual pleasure. I was faithful to my beautiful redhead for 27 yrs, and I never got tired of making love to her. Withholding sex as punishment is hostile you deserve better. Divorce? Its maddening! He claims to love me and just wants to continue on with what I consider a rather boring, dreary and certainly sexless marriage! I urge you to seek help now. We do love each other though. Since husbands are usually thought to be the problem regardless of whether the wife or the husband doesnt want sex, I should say that I do my fair share (50%+) of house chores, am emotionally supportive of her, and a nice guy, but that is irrelevant. He already said she feels bad for him so she is aware of the problem. Having said that, I understand your frustration too. By Joan Price I always aimEd to please her with oral sex preceded by lots of massaging, rubbing, kissing etc. Hormonal therapy can give you cancer, stroke. There are physical and emotion consequences to withholding sex from a partner. Its only going to get worse. She would use the excuse of my children may interrupt, although I would point out we have a lock on the door. Were communicating better but no changes to our sex life even though he has plenty of blue pills. A study published by the. . Im affectionate and do everything, but Im tired So I turn to porn and search things that include wife. And thats where I get my relief. Sure. Sigh I dont even want to see anyone else. Youve both gone so long without sex together and without understanding each other that it isnt an easy fix. Since abstinence for so long Im wondering what will happen if a woman takes an interest in a 70-year-old man. Our devastation has completely made intimacy and sex impossible. To you guys in a sexless marriage for years, and she wont even talk to you about it? It is incumbent on each of us, male and/or female to strive for the new, the invigoration, the secure, the calm, the exciting, the passionate . Yes, its so hurtful and completely discouraging. Even if you have something as small as a minor headache or you cut yourself while cooking, a loving wife will always be ready to pounce and get the first aid kit. My Boyfriend Doesn't Seem Interested in Me Sexually Anymore: 11 Reasons He's Lost Interest 1. But his belly sticks out a lot and makes it extremely difficult to get in because of 3 things. But to then take into account the Catholic Churchs stance on that interjects another sticking point, if I may use that term. As your wife pushes you away, you might feel tempted to use porn, but porn robs you of genuine desire for your wife. My ex is 70; I am 63. we have been married about 22 years. I am in your same position but from the other side I am a 64 year old healthy, active man. She can also talk to her doctor to see what options are available to support her libido. Too bad, b/c I think Id be better for him than she could ever be. And really dont know what to do. I suggested just me doing him and he close his eyes and touch me nope. I have tried internet sex and it wasnt bad but it wasnt enough. When I was single it didnt bother me I just figured I was easily bored sexually. Cancer is pretty much a death sentence. I was not going to reward her or fall into another hug with nothing more than a few seconds of holding, and then a push off. Nobody tells you about this stuff in premarital counseling I only basically feel good enough to have pretty good days. I feel very blessed, because my gynecologist put me on low dose hormone therapy. No way you are real!!! Would you like to see more questions and answers? I bet you think all men are stupid as well. Surprise her by getting a sitter and taking her to a nice dinner. While men often connect to their wives through physical intimacy, a wife needs a mix of physical arousal and, Love Hormones Unraveling the Veracity of the Science of Love. And there is another problem: When two people dont want the same things in the marriage or relationship (like trying to fix what is wrong), then there is often no solution other than plodding along as before.
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